It’s an unfortunate fact that we form the majority of our relationships online. Is it really unfortunate? I’m not sure. But it leads to frustration from time to time. Especially when it comes to seeking a Total Power Exchange relationship. I’m sure the vanilla world has as many problems with their dating apps; it’s hard to separate those who just want a quick wank fantasy and those who have a serious ambition of submitting or dominating.
It seems to me that no one no longer reads a profile. They read the headlines. That’s all. My profile does a pretty good job of explaining what I seek and what I offer. Obviously it skims over the detail, but I like to think it gives a good overview of who I am as a Master. I also provide a link to this here blog. I’m not expecting a potential slave to read everything here, but at look at a couple of pages to see who you might be approaching. If the resources are there, your research is that much easier.
An example from this week. A sub begging to be kidnapped, abused and pimped out to anyone who would have him. I told him in about three different ways that this wasn’t what I was searching for. And again, he tried to thrust his personal version of a TPE down my throat. Looking at his profile, I would hazard a guess that he doesn’t even understand the implications of being subjected to a kidnap and torture scenario by an experienced dom. Not something I provide, but I know people that do and they do it very well. What they also do is seek experienced submissives to work with. I’m not suggesting that he can’t fulfil his fantasy, but he needs to focus his efforts in the right places. Before the fantasies started pouring out of him, I was struck by another thing also. Throughout the brief conversation he didn’t once ask anything about me. It was all about him. And he also pointed out he was married with children. If you’re married with children, I’m not interested. If you ditch them in order to live a 24/7 TPE as my slave, I’m going to have a hard time respecting you – and yes, a slave is to be respected. And, if you don’t ditch them, then I’m not really getting what I’m searching for. So best you go do some introspection and think about your choices before hurting those near and dear to you. Again, it’s not that I don’t think people with kids can’t enjoy a Total Power Exchange, but there would be compromises there that I am personally not willing to make.
Another thing I get a lot of, which I don’t understand, is a sub offering to give up all their rights and choices to me before we have even begun to talk. The only way I look at this is either a wank fantasy, or someone who doesn’t have the requisite mental health to be a slave in my version of a 24/7 lifestyle. Role-play taken to ridiculous new heights. I offer you a position of voluntary servitude, not a round the clock sex party.
My point is this: get to know who you’re approaching. There is never enough info on a profile page, even a blog like this. Just ask questions. Interview each other. It’s not dating, but it is.
What is a Total Power Exchange?
Beyond the basics of at least one dominant and one submissive participant, a TPE can be and is anything you want and need it to be. There are as many different forms of such a relationship as there are people wanting such. I’ve known some of these relationships to not even touch upon BDSM or kinks beyond a controlling aspect in daily life.
If you want a total power exchange outside of occasional role-play in the bedroom, then it’s best not to make the first conversation you have with a potential Master/slave all about sex. And if you’re a slave you’re definitely not going to want to explain in detail how you wish to be pleasured. A true Master/slave relationship is about anything BUT the slave’s sexual pleasure. You might as well be a eunuch in the eyes of some Doms.
Instead, communicate exactly what we have been talking about the past few weeks. Who are you, what are you, and, most importantly, why? Haven’t yet figured out the why? That’s fine, just be honest. The key is not to be a cardboard cutout. A slave is so much more than a mindless automaton. And believe me, that makes owning slaves all the more worthwhile.
Interviews and what to expect
An interview with a Master seeking 24/7 ownership will not be about sex. Yes, it will come up, but this is about giving up your freedoms way beyond the bedroom. And your potential Master will want to know who is standing before them seeking training and dominance. And this is where that CV comes in. Whether you are submitting it as a hard copy, or using it to answer questions during an interview, you have begun to figure out who and what you are about. This brings the required eloquence to your answers.
The big questions are going to be:
Why a TPE over a vanilla relationship?
Master is going to want to know what you seek to gain from such an exchange. Why aren’t you looking at settling down with someone who, power wise, is closer to your equal.
Don’t lie about this. Most Master’s are more than keen to take on a beginner, it helps us reorientate our training techniques and also provides a different challenge. Same goes for previously owned slaves. Yes, there is a certain amount of retraining involved, but don’t just look at a Master’s requirements and try to squeeze yourself into a box that you don’t belong in.
Your potential Master will also use the interview to look for traits that all slaves must have: are you a willing student, are you a good listener, and do you follow directions well? Don’t be surprised if you get homework assignments and small tasks here and there. And don’t be surprised if in failing to complete some simple tasks that you get rejected.
The interview is also your chance to ask your burning questions. Choose these wisely.
Ask of your potential Master why they seek to control? Ask them what their opinion is on limits and consent. Not just limits in a BDSM scene, but limits of control outside, in daily life. And, if you only get one word answers and quick party lines, such as: ‘I will control whatever I want to control,’ exercise some caution in going there. A Master who is not forthcoming at this stage is quite possible not aware of what they want, and is potentially a fantasist as much as all those subs out there on the various hook up sites. Ask a Master what they think about the concept of safe words.
Ask me: my first answer would be this:I seek potential. I don’t look for the ready made. I have accidentally found the ready made from time to time, but it’s not something I actively go out and fetch. I am a natural coach, like any other Master my aim is to remould a slave into my image.
Know who you are communicating with
Most important to remember: before choosing to submit, get to know the Master. Meet in person before you decide – a few times at least. Most Master’s will suggest a practice run. They are not going to meet you one day and immediately strip you of your rights. We Doms need to know who you are to get the best out of you. It’s a lot easier to control a slave if you know it through and through.
Never submit to someone you hardly know, it’s foolish and could be potentially dangerous.
Before making any move toward the full time property status you think you are destined for, remember to check yourself. What are you prepared to give up? Sacrifices have to be made to live a 24/7 lifestyle. Do you have too many responsibilities? Be honest with yourself, because once you start down the rabbit hole you’re going to face some tough challenges.
Primarily though, before all this, ask them who they are. Discover what they are about. Ask them why. They might not know the answers either, but if you can find that one holding the same stick at the opposite you might just be able to uncover your whys together.
Thanks for reading,
Boss and the bois