The Boss: while we’re on holiday during November, I wanted to take the time to highlight this post written by slave Mattie back in April.
It highlights the possible reasons that a submissive finds the act of submitting to another’s control is quite liberating. And I quite enjoyed rereading it.
by Boi slave (Mattie), with permission of The Boss
Weedy little sub boi
Sixteen years old, itching to break out from my cage/home. Then, freedom was about release, the ability to make my own choices, to do what I needed, when I wanted to, and with whoever I wished to do it with. At seventeen, I fucked off to Paris by way of Glastonbury (not the festival), but that’s a very long story for a very long day. I don’t regret the life I led in the two years away. But there was a distinct lack of control, and that is what ultimately brought me back home. I needed that control, of course I did, I was still a child. As an adult, I still need control, I desire it.
I am strong of mind, weak of body. (Yes, slaves are strong minded too – we will break through the stereotype another day). Weak is probably a bit of a stretch, but I’m not stacked at all, and I have never felt the need for physical strength beyond what is necessary. I am designed to submit, it’s a default setting.
As a wee nipper, my friends and I would wrestle. They won, I lost; naturally. Even in those rare instances where the rush of overpowering another coursed through me, I would throw the match. Winning a physical contest never felt right.
But you’re a boy!
In teaching our children, society has stubbornly ruled that men are dominant, and women are submissive. — Boys are not to cry. Crying is weakness, crying is bad, crying is for girls – suck it up, grow a pair, smile, get over it. Boys are to be tough, strong, dominant; boys should never submit to the will of another. Hey boys, don’t seek help, even if you think you need it. — When a boy is naturally submissive it has become abnormally normal for him to feel defunct.
Through nature and nurture, all of us sit on the fluid spectrum of dominance and submission. In pinpointing our current place, we can find the strength to grow, while our nature propels us into a more meaningful life.
Nurture your Nature
The best man is like water. Water is good, it benefits all things and does not compete with them. It dwells in lowly places that all disdain. This is why it is so near to Tao — Lao Tzu
Submission doesn’t begin or even end in the bedroom. Sex plays a big part, yes, but it’s not the alpha or omega of my intrinsic submissive nature. I crave control. Being controlled will set me free. That is freedom. Contradiction? Weakness? Anything but.
How did I get from childhood rebellion to the concept of freedom I subscribe to now? Are they the polar opposites that they seem? I have grown a lot in the interim years. What I understand now is a nuanced approach to liberation, rather than the rather vague ‘I just want to be me.’ I needed to understand who that ‘me’ is; as a teenager I didn’t have a fucking clue. Who does?
A simple statement, a mantra to live by: my freedom is mine to surrender to whomever I choose.
Our freedom is our own (to begin with). I chose to surrender that freedom, to dedicate my life to the Boss. Pledging to love, honour and obey, I have given myself over to a Total Power Exchange; no rights, no choices. As I relinquish control, as I become slave, I find a release from burden.
I know what some of you might be thinking. I entertained the idea myself: has The Boss not become my burden? No. The dynamics of our relationship have been founded on a mutual level of trust and respect. And, as we are both fulfilling our, he can never be a burden. In fact, it’s easier for me to be his burden at times: being submissive in nature, I have a natural predilection toward desperation and neediness.
I am able to project self-suffiency, though I desire it not. I need to surrender – being in control bores me, and I’m not very good at it. I have even carved out a niche for myself in the service industry, where I can use submissive traits to my advantage. No, I don’t bend over backwards for every customer that comes through the door, but I have the ability to. I control when necessary, but 99% of the time, I revert back to servile, because that is me and that is where I am most comfortable.
Own your truths, play to your strengths – even when society tells you that your perceived strengths are weaknesses
You will hear a lot of subs/slaves, even Doms/Masters, talk about identities within their BDSM worlds. Some choose to play under alter-egos, some go method, working out extensive histories for imagined characters in kink-space. For me, and many others, there is an opposing approach. My alter-ego comes out not at Home with the Boss, but when I find myself without him, out in public – be it working, socialising, anything that requires interacting with others. There in the public eye, I obfuscate the real me. The real me belongs in serving at The Boss’ feet. The real me is servile, submissive, sensitive. Through a strong bond and a mutual love, I have pledged to serve The Boss’ every need, want and whim, and with that comes my gift to him: the real me – no deception, no lies; pure truth and a lack of walls.
Erecting walls around our true selves is something we all do outside of our private spaces. No one is completely honest about who they are and what they are about. I am an intensely private person, primarily because I don’t fit into any lifestyle that society dictates as ‘normal’. (I hate the word ‘normal’. It’s right up there with the most meaningless words, yet it exacts a pernicious impact on freedom of thought and choice.)
I am forging a path within a lifestyle where I can find my own brand of comfort and safety, my own definition of freedom taken to the zenith of my chosen lifestyle: 24/7 consensual slavery. The Boss has released me from the burden of being someone else. With him I can be myself, hence me feeling liberation like never before.
Owning my surrender of ownership
The Boss is the only man who can tear me apart, piece by piece, and, if he so chooses, put me back together again. He does this through his intrinsic perceptiveness and, I’m not sure if he is aware of this, but his empathy is vast.
He is a walking example of freedom. He has his own tethers to the outside world, but within and around these he lives life on his terms. He doesn’t have time for societal labels: the overwhelming need to put everyone in tiny boxes, for eternity. He lives a life predicated on non-monogamy and no compromise. He gets what he wants through equal parts magnetism and a bloody hard work ethic.
It’s a strange feeling: so liberated and free while completely owned. Maybe it’s in the scrapping of things that hamper our day-to-day lives: with lack of choice comes the loss of choice fatigue, with submitting comes the feeling of safety and security. What more does a slave need than the very basics on Maslow’s Hierarchy? I’m not sure, but I never find myself wanting anymore. Except wanting more of the Boss, but that’s par for the course. Ultimately my design is for him to be free, therefore it would be hypocritical of me to monopolise his time.
Freedom in chains
So how can one feel so free in chains? Honestly, I haven’t discovered a full answer to that yet, but I have made it my primary life goal to figure that out.
Note: in writing this down, I have happened upon something: that childhood rebellion and the freedom I seek now? They aren’t different at all. There is no contradiction. I am still rebelling. I am rebelling against what society dictates my path should be. I am rebelling by being submissive when my peers tell me I should be dominating. And what is rebellion if not owning your true nature?
I have all the tools now to achieve freedom. This journey is about nourishing my sexuality, my mind and my soul. I started thinking about my own needs, and perhaps perversely, by surrendering my needs to someone else’s control, I feel full. To be a slave is something I have always longed for but never quite reached. And now, with The Boss, everything seems possible. Any wrestling matches with him – I will never have to ‘throw the match’ again.
I would love to hear from other submissives and/or slaves. It’s certainly not an original thought. I have read countless subs talk about the freedom that comes with being dominated.
Do you feel a sense of freedom, even in the literal cage your Dom might hold you in? Do you feel a sense of liberation, even in those times (especially those times) where your balls are being stretched so far away from your groin, you fear for a second that they might snap?
I am finding a way to honour my submissive nature, to go with it, because resisting it has held me back for too long.