A Master’s view on the Slave Petition for a TPE and/or BDSM dynamic – Part 2

Stop believing everything Disney taught you

You have to be dominant to get anywhere in life. What a load of crap. One of the many prevalent myths that society foists upon us before we are able to string a sentence together: only an Übermensch can summon the aspiration to succeed, treading on toes, not looking back, cutting people down, taking numbers, blah, blah, blah… I am a natural dominant, I don’t make a habit of treading on toes. It’s all too binary. Humanity as a collective species is determined to put everyone into finely-hewn boxes – good and evil, submissive and dominant, straight and gay. Of course these dualities exist, but they are not always absolutes; maybe they never are. The world is more complex than that. My bois are submissive. But we are all capable of bringing the opposite traits to the fore when necessary. I don’t believe anyone is 100% either or, that’s far too simplistic. A nice pipe dream perhaps, but not realistic. I would say I was 99% dominant. And to compliment that, I look for those who are 99% submissive – Neil excluded – he is always the exception to the rule. A pain, a switch and a tease, I like having him around. He keeps me on my toes. I like a challenge. 

The truth is, not one of us are just one thing. There is no such thing as a one-trick pony, should we look beyond the surface. And submissives? They make the world go around just as much as we dominants do. We complement each other. We rely on each other. We are surprisingly equal, even under the guise of a Master/slave dynamic. 

Master/slave dynamics, like the rest of the world, don’t come neatly packaged with only one set of instructions. It is a dynamic that, should the participants desire a power exchange, they can tailor it to suit their needs. 

You may need dominant traits to get anywhere in life, but you also need submissive traits also. What a Master/slave relationship does is to fully acknowledge each other’s strengths before jumping in. There are seldom power struggles within such a dynamic because all that stuff has been discussed on day 1. If there is a power struggle, I would suggest you don’t have the right dominant/submissive balance. 

Submissives aren’t necessarily powerless in a slave position. A slave holds many cards, but it holds them close to its chest for the purposes of the dynamic.  

The Wrestling Fags

Once upon a time, there were two bois. They loved to wrestle. Scrawny Boi 1 would never have been pegged as a play fighter. It was in a natural weakness that he found himself. 

It all began when he won a wrestling match. It was a strange feeling after losing so many. Something was off. He couldn’t explain it. Had he cheated? Was that what this was? Had he hurt his opponent? Maybe, but only within the rules of the game. 

Boi 1 wrestled again and lost. He had never thought anything of it before, but now, after winning he discovered that he liked to lose; needed it even.The feeling of being pinned under the body of a winner was where he found his victory. He would later discover how much more it meant. In losing he found peace, and the realisation that that was his purpose. Not just to lose, to facilitate the success of another.

Boi 2 liked wrestling a little more than Boi 1. He would flout his strength one minute and take a fall the next. It was in this fluidity of his nature that he found himself. He would try and win as many matches as he lost. His elders told him that losing was bad: ‘you have to be in it to win it!’ This was odd to him, as there was as much fulfilment in losing as there was in winning – different, but still a personal victory. There was a sense of belonging in being physically restrained, yet the power of physically dominating another compelled him to win the rest of the time. 

Boi 1 grew up developing some amazing qualities: such as a deep self-awareness, an ability to analyse before giving his trust away too soon, and a generally caring and compassionate nature. 

Boi 2 grew tired of his brainwashing elders and forged his own path. He understood both sides of control, and didn’t really have a preference. 

Both bois eventually signed up to a lifetime 24/7 TPE, surrendered control to The Boss and lived happily ever after; consensually of course. 

The dominant/submissive spectrum is vast, and it extends way beyond the stereotypes presented above. We are here to talk about subs though. What they are. Those natural submissives may take things a little further, but everyone has submissive traits, as well as dominant. 

‘Vanquish Vanilla’ Friday

There once was a desperate house husband. Much like the first of the two wrestling bois, he wasn’t one for winning. He probably would have, had he trained, but why bother when losing was where he felt himself. He grew up learning the same lessons that Boi 1 did and eventually found himself a wife to love, had a couple kids, suburban two-up two-down, blah blah blah. On Friday’s though, the desperate househusband went to work. He was a professional Dom. His client list consisted of CEO’s and other higher ups – natural dominant types – though some were as naturally submissive as he was. Through Dom work he found a hidden aspect to his nature; he could be the Master of his domain. He didn’t need any more than one day a week to let out any of the week’s stresses. In tearing people down he discovered the joy of building them back up. 

There once was a powerful CEO. She was the head of a billion pound company. She had it all and she had fought fiercely to get there. The CEO had enjoyed contact sports as a kid – she liked to win, she would always win with a mixture of talent and nerve. The feeling of having another succumb to her will was almost spiritual. On Friday’s though, she would visit our profession Dom. She would relinquish control and in doing so, relieve herself of the week’s stresses. She would never submit to anyone outside of the dungeon, but it was nice to break free now and again. It was in being broken and built back up again that she discovered a hidden part of herself that was just as vital as what the world saw. 

Submissive Traits

In my reading on the dominant/submissive personality types, I found one article that perfectly summed up the power of submission in life.

When you look at these traits in relation to a TPE dynamic, you begin to understand just how much a slave/sub brings to the table. It’s far more than a Master caging a worthless thing. A slave is never worthless. What good is a worthless slave? 

Deep Self-Awareness – Before getting into any relationship, you need to establish a modicum of self-awareness: what do you need and why do you need it? In a power exchange, if you end up taking on an ill-suited role things tend to get a bit muddy. If you resist where no resistance is expected, if you don’t push where pushing is expected, the dynamic can stall in its tracks. 

Understanding of Trust – Trust is THE number one priority in any TPE; without it things fall apart and become dangerous very fast. Submissive’s arguably have a healthier relationship with trust than we Dominants. Think about the sacrifices that a slave must make in this world and you begin to understand how important trust is to them. And, it most definitely works both ways. 

Awareness of Others Needs – A natural submissive has been dealt the ultimate hand. They find their fulfilment in providing for others, what more could a Master want?

Hard-Working – A lazy slave is a pointless slave. As a Master, you may want someone with the ability to lie down and take it in the bedroom, if that’s your thing. In life you’re going to want a slave who knows how to manage their time and fulfil their daily duties. In my house, and for Masters like me, this hard work doesn’t come close to the work the Bois have to put into self-improvement. 

Definiteness of purpose – Joy in service. Says it all. We all want to find our purpose. I live my life authentically because I am fully aware of my why. And that is exactly the point of this CV, to figure out your purpose. If you already know that your purpose is to serve, then great! A head start. But we need to go deeper than that, which we will get to eventually. 

Peace of Mind – Knowing your duty, your purpose, is so important in this lifestyle. With it comes fulfilment. Even slaves have needs. Masters fulfil that need to serve, the need to submit, the need to be controlled.

High Self-Esteem – This one may seem odd to the vanilla world. It’s a popular misconception that a slave is a worthless piece of meat. A slave is anything but. I would argue that a slave is priceless. Some BDSM scenes can lead to humiliating a slave/sub and making them feel smaller than they actually are, but to do that without causing lasting trauma to a person, you perhaps need to look for a natural submissive. Find one with the self-esteem to rise above the mind games, and actually learn something from the experience. I am here to bend, not to break. 

Clear Boundaries – Dominants could learn a lot from their submissives when it comes to boundaries in TPE. A natural submissive is not usually shy about setting out their expectations and boundaries. Think hard limits – not just in the bedroom but out of it also. Those would be subs, usually found online, could learn a lot from this as well. You should never be afraid to draw your lines in the sand. And, I’ve said it many times – we all have hard limits. You may not think you do, but you do. If you don’t then I don’t think you’re right for BDSM. 

What if we changed societal norms? 

Vanilla relationship dynamics could absorb so much from TPE. Think of those countless articles, usually aimed at women (always the prime target for conditioning): what not to do on the first date? ‘Don’t tell him you’re womb doesn’t work! You will scare him off.’ 

Maybe it will scare him off. He might be scared off because society told him there’s only one way to have children. And if he is scared you might want to consider the possibility that he’s not for you. We spend far too much time trying to compromise on things that aren’t really up for compromise. 

What if we changed the rules of dating completely? One could argue that online dating solved this with the detailed profile, but how many of us actually look at those things. What if we made it a societal norm that on our first dates we lay all our deal breakers on the table? The usual response to this idea is, ‘Oh, but it sucks all the mystery out of a relationship.’ No, not really. It just ensures that everyone goes in with their eyes open. Mystery is fine. And I can only relate this to my lifestyle, but I would suggest that discovering a contracted slave is a bit more dominant than I thought is a mystery I don’t want to have to solve later down the line. 

Do you have to be a natural submissive?

Not at all. Think back to the desperate househusband and the hard working CEO. If you are pursuing a 24/7 TPE then it becomes necessary to be on the more submissive side of the spectrum. Many dominant people get a kick out of submitting. Then there are those who naturally switch from one to the other without much mental preparation needed. A TPE can be for as long as you want it to be. Once a week on a Friday is perfectly acceptable. In fact, many couples utilise BDSM sessions to reconnect. Sex therapists prescribe it for some patients.

Approaches may differ, but there are mainstays that define our roles. You need to consider your needs. And fuck those so called Doms on Grindr and Twitter who say, ‘you’re a slave, you don’t have needs.’ Everybody has needs. Your needs may be slowly stripped away to the basics (think Maslow’s hierarchy), done right it fulfils your true purpose. There are a number of areas which you must consider should you aim to become a slave. 

In which areas of your life will you submit to someone else’s complete control: work, home, social? And in your daily existence what will you surrender control of: finances, clothing, food, exercise, toilet breaks? What are your hard and soft limits? Don’t have hard limits? Try again, sub, everyone does. 

In which areas will you serve? Domestically, at work, in the bedroom, etc.? What are your hard and soft limits? Don’t have hard limits? Try again, sub, everyone does. Yes, it’s worth repeating.

There is a Master out there for every slave. It’s hard to find the right one. To figure out the what’s and whys beforehand helps in your choosing the right one. You need to express what it is you want and eventually compare that against the aims of your potential Master. What can you bring to the relationship? And what would you expect a Master to bring? It’s okay to expect things from them before you submit.

So what? What the hell are you, sub? Are you a natural submissive destined for domestic servitude, with the occasional segue into the bedroom? Are you a dominant person who enjoys an occasional swim in the submissive self pool? Or are you like Perv Slave (Neil), who isn’t entirely slave – a walking (or kneeling) definition of Switch. There is so much more to a sub than simple submission. Let’s expel all the myths and get to work.  

So what are you?

Are you a natural submissive?

Are you a switch?

Are you a natural dominant who wants to submit now and again?

What’s your situation? How may it affect your goals? If you’re married with two kids, are you looking for a way out or are you looking to start something with your significant other? I’m not a therapist or a judge. I would urge you think about those around you who may be affected by any decision you make, though only you can decide the type of TPE you seek. 

Now let’s look at those skills again – on the list from last week. Most skills can be used within a TPE, even the seemingly random ones. Gardening – easy: find a Master looking for domestic service; gaming – find a Master who likes to game, just be prepared to lose if necessary; advanced harpsichord – I’m sure there may be a Master somewhere who may find it soothing. My point is, your talents, skills and qualifications will all be utilised somewhere in a TPE, just as they are in the rest of life. Similar to dating. But not. Your Master and you will still need to share things in common to maintain a lifetime commitment. It can be simple: I can iron, but I’m not great at it. If I see a slave mention this as part of their domestic skills, I see an immediate use. I need a lot more, but nonetheless a box is ticked. Another example would be found in Boi Slave. It is a highly organised slave. Boi Slave’s organisational skills make him an excellent P.A. And let me tell you, to control a slave at home and at work is extremely satisfying.

Come on, subs. Get on with it!

Your homework for this week is to apply some labels to your potential style as a slave. When we come to your why’s this could all change, but for now let’s get to what you think you are. 

1. Where do you see yourself on the spectrum of submission

2. How will TPE fit in around your current life? Do you need to compromise or sacrifice?

3. How will you bring your natural skills, talents, qualifications to a TPE?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.